“So, yeah, actually I’m in an open relationship. With a man. He’s a really great guy, but we’ve agreed to date other people and I don’t see him much…because of his line of work and all…he’s a prostitute. Sex worker. I’m actually fine with it…and I’m mostly straight…he’s my only exception.”

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“I hate cats. I want, like, six dogs one day. Cats are just so annoying, and they carry diseases—-“

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“Ugh. Why did they bring their kid here?!…You don’t want kids, do you? Kids are just…UGH. They’re like useless half-humans who can’t dress themselves and always need some toy or something. I guess I might have them one day…maybe.” (dude was 42)

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“I ended my last relationship, a three-year relationship, because she just liked me too much, or something. She wasn’t cool about it, you know? She acted like she was in love with me or something.”

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“I am so attracted to you, like, all night I haven’t stopped thinking about you…your body, it’s just…I want to impregnate you. With, like, so many babies, that is how much I want you. Impregnate. I know that sounds crazy but it’s, like, true. Are you ovulating right now?”

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